


A Reflection  in Red

by booksarenotboringyouare



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fix-It, Hurt, god i Hated that scene, rewrite 8.04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 11:04:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18737755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booksarenotboringyouare/pseuds/booksarenotboringyouare
Summary: Jaime stares into the flames, Brienne slumbering softly beside him.He thinks of Cersei, and of oaths.





	A Reflection  in Red

He’s warm.

Jaime nearly laughs aloud when that thought arises in his tired brain. Here he is, hundreds of leagues from King’s Landing or Casterly Rock, deep in the North in the depths of winter, and he’s warm.

It brings a momentary soft smile to his face and he blinks several times to make sure that when his eyes reopen he would still be here. Still be beside her.

A glance to his left reveals Brienne of Tarth, slumbering softly and covered with the animal fur skins that make up Northern bed dressings. Jaime catches himself staring at her for a moment, and then a moment longer, before his gaze returns to the fire burning brightly across the room.

The fire creates red shadows on the wall, flickering and dancing against the ancient stone. But the dance is weaker and more faint than it was a few hours ago, and he slides out of bed to place a few more logs on. The flames burst up again, spitting and twirling in the dark night air. Jaime slumps in the chair beside the bed and tries not to think about anything at all.

He used to be good at that. Good at casting his mind away when situations became overwhelming or torturous. The long hours he would spend at the Mad King’s side watching as he burnt man after man, woman after woman, child after child. He would go away inside, fill his head with thoughts of Cersei or fairytales of valiant Kingsguard knights.

He’s not sure he believes in either of them anymore.

So he stares into the fire, a million thoughts battling in his busy mind, and wills himself not to cry. Ever since Lady Stark had informed him of Cersei’s battle victory, he couldn’t help but think of her in King’s Landing. Daenerys has only one dragon, less than half her original army, and a very depleted and battle weary Northern support. Cersei was sure to win against those odds.

He had to go back.

The thought seemed to strike him at once, and he nearly jumped out of his chair at its intensity. He had to go back to her, to King’s Landing. And he had to leave before Brienne awoke.

In his haste to get up he knocked his golden hand off their small wooden table, and its clanging sound as it landed reverberated around the small room. Jaime winced, and prayed to all seven gods that Brienne would stay asleep-

“Ser Jaime?”

Brienne’s head appeared in the corner of his eye, with disheveled hair that Jaime spent a good half hour threading his hands through as they lay on their bed talking, and eyes half closed with sleep. She still looked radiant, he thought. The fact that she’s letting him share her vulnerability is astounding, and Jaime still can’t quite believe his luck.

“Jaime!”

Brienne had been attempting to talk to him while he gazed at her, and Jaime had to avert his eyes when he saw the worry in hers. Worry that should not be wasted on the likes of him.

“It’s alright, Brienne. You can go back to sleep.”

Brienne did nothing of the sort, instead choosing to walk around and sit on the bed beside where Jaime was now kneeling down, halfway to retrieving his hand.

“Going somewhere?”

There was a coolness in her voice that would have chilled him to the bone if it were not for the crack that appeared at the sentences end. 

“And what if I am?”

Jaime knew that was the wrong thing to say the second he uttered it. Brienne’s eyebrows furrowed and her lips thinned. Jaime suddenly busied himself with attaching his hand until Brienne pulled it away from him.

“Jaime. Jaime look at me. Please.”

Jaime, still kneeling on the ground by the bed, clutching his gold hand, looked up to see Brienne’s face smiling down at him. A broken, pained smile.

“I have to go. Back to King’s Landing. Back to Ce- her.”

He could hear Brienne’s breath hitch as she knelt down beside him, taking his head in her calloused, perfect hands.

“No. No you don’t have to. You’re not your sister and you don’t have to die with her.”

Jaime couldn’t look her in the eye. Those beautiful blue eyes that he loved so much. He feared that if he did it would break him.

“I crippled a young boy. For Cersei. I killed my cousin with my bare hands. For Cersei. I would have let every man and woman at Riverrun die. For Cersei. She’s hateful - and so am I. Let me go.”

Brienne didn’t though, instead choosing to clutch his face harder than before, hands shaking.

“You’re a good man, Jaime, I’ve seen it. Stay here. Stay with me. Please.”

Oh Gods, Jaime thought, and he closed his eyes for a second. This woman won’t give up, won’t let me go. I don’t deserve her, he thought, and shut his eyes tighter.

“No one deserves anyone. We don’t choose whom we love.”

He hadn’t even realised he’d spoken aloud, and now that he had, doesn’t seem to mind that much. 

“Brienne I’ve got to go-“

“Why?”

“Brienne, please. Don’t make this harder than it already is-“

“Then give me an explanation and give me one now, Jaime.”

“I-“

Suddenly Brienne’s hands were clutching his night shirt and her eyes were full of unshed tears.

“I need to go back to her. I love her. If she is to die, than I am to die with her.”

Jaime felt his insides rot as he proclaimed those words, and his heart blackened as Brienne’s face crumpled further.

“No.”

“No?”

“No, Ser Jaime. I cannot allow you to leave.”

“You’re not in charge of me, Ser Brienne. Release me.”

“No.”

Jaime felt himself getting frustrated now, and he tried to wrestle his way out of Brienne’s grip but she was taller and stronger and more determined.

“Why do you want to go back?” she questioned, urgently and painfully.

“For Cersei.”

“For what?”

“What?”

Jaime felt his mouth go dry, and his heart quicken. She can’t know. Brienne can’t know or she’ll follow and he can’t let that happen.

“You’re - you’re - Good Gods Jaime you’re going to kill her.”

They both stopped struggling at that moment, and it was just them in the world. Just them kneeling on the stone floors of an ancient castle, with a sentence floating in the air between them that neither wants to reach for first. Jaime does, in the end.

“Daenerys’ forces are weakened and losing. Cersei holds all the power and all the cards. If Daenerys surrenders, Cersei continues to rule. Continues to abuse her power and her citizens. If Daenerys refuses to surrender and Cersei does too, then Daenerys burns down the city with dragon fire. Oh, Cersei will be safe. No doubt Qyburn has secret tunnels and passageways figured out. I’m the only one who can get close enough to her to - to kill her and stop the city burning. Again.”

Jaime gasped all this out in a matter of seconds, and the silence that stretched on after his declaration lasted longer than his speech in the first place.

“She’ll kill you the second you step in King’s Landing.”

“Maybe so. But at least I will have tried. She’s a - a monster. I can see that now.”

Brienne’s eyes clouded over in anger, and she gripped the edge of the bed to keep her from punching the wall. 

“So what was your plan? Abandon me without saying a word? Or depart after telling me you still love her?”

Jaime finally looked into her eyes. They reminded him of the endless sky above them and the crashing water around them.

“Yes. I couldn’t have you follow me. It’s too dangerous.”

“I’ve survived worse odds”

“I don’t care-“

Brienne cut him off by kissing him. A fast, passionate and utterly heartbreaking kiss. Jaime could see the future that they could have. Jaime could see only peace and happiness. Wishful and childish thoughts.

“I love you. I don’t know if I’ve ever said that I love someone before, but I love you. We will travel down together. The city won’t burn.”

Jaime cracked.

“Brienne, please. Please don’t do this. She’ll kill you but only after she hurts you and hurts you and hurts you and I’ve had enough people dying in my life to lose someone else. Please, please stay here.”

Brienne’s eyes flickered, an emotion that Jaime couldn’t quite place danced in front of her vision.

“We’ll discuss it in the morning. Jaime, please. Sleep.”

The next few hours sleep won’t make up for the last few minutes conversation, but Jaime allows himself to be pulled into bed and allows Brienne to position his head on her shoulder. 

“I don’t care if you don’t believe it Jaime, I love you.”

“I love you too. Not her - not anymore. It’s you, Brienne. Now and always.”

He was whispering the last part and his eyes finally overflowed.

They were still broken. Still too warm and too cold all at once. But Jaime couldn’t help but think what if. 

What if they survived?

What if they won?

But what would a win be? Another Targaryen on the Iron Throne? Jaime shuddered when thinking of Daenerys’ father, and Brienne pulled him closer.

Tomorrow they will decide all that. But for now, they’re together. 

And he feels like they are the only two people in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> here’s more jb you’re welcome


End file.
